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At times, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually followed by a “sudden low”, where he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from others. He came to wonder he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits on the internet – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. However, he is skeptical he would have taken the label unless he had already reached that realization personally. When someone suggests to somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they harbor feelings of superiority. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

While people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, definitions vary what people refer to as the label. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people keep it private, because of so much stigma linked to the condition. A narcissist will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through actions such as seeking admiration,” the professor says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in Narcissism

Although a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are men, research indicates this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, just kind of like everything in society,” explains an individual who posts about her dual diagnosis on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and rejection,” she explains, “because if I hear that the problem is me, I often enter self-protection or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is known as “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mostly in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures as a child. “I’ve been learning over the years which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me in my formative years,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my household were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be associated with early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “rely on those same mechanisms as adults”.

Similar to other of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The adult says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve high marks and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, struggles with feelings. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he explains – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his GP, he was directed to a clinical psychologist for an diagnosis and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for talking therapy on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: The estimate was it is expected around in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a small circle about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has embraced the diagnosis. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he says. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are looking for support for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the growth of online advocates and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number